Questions for Scotland
I am going to Scotland tonight, and I have a couple of questions I hope to answer.
1. Are they frickin sick of Braveheart or what?
Preliminary snooping for towns with affordable hostels indicates that nearly every hamlet and Podunk in the country has a Braveheart Backpackers (a town called, I’m not making this up: “Killin”) or a Willy Wallace Hostel (Stirling).
I mean, it is history to be proud of (outnumbered armies defeating the imperial English is always impressive) but having that history subsumed by Mel Gibson’s entertaining but almost entirely inaccurate film (don’t get me wrong, I love that movie, except for the problem that it’s full of Mel Gibson) and thereafter simplified to blue face-paint…that’s gotta be annoying.
Oy, I wonder if any Scottish historians were ever lectured by movie-watchers on “what really happened.” And I wonder if the historians then clove them in twain with that bigass sword he runs around with. Wouldn’t that be ironic.
3. How long would I have to loudly praise England in a pub before a Scot hauled off and decked me?
4. How green is it?
I may be a little hard on Europe on this whole “centuries of human (mis)behavior have killed all the wilderness” (after all the Carpathian range is frickin massive and pretty dern wild) but how paved and populated is Scotland? I just remember hearing that Scotland doesn’t look “Scottish” enough any more, so they filmed Braveheart in Ireland. (Checked on imdb, and it looks like indeed most of the locations are in Ireland, though not all, particularly that opening shot is actually Scotland.)
Oy, I know. I ramble about how over-played Braveheart is, and then mention it a second later. Please forgive me my hypocrisy.
5. Is a real Scottish accent as irresistible as I suspect it is? (Okay, I already know the answer to that one. Lucky bastards.)
I’ll look into these and get back to you. Maybe. Good night.