Gratitude, sadness, and mom
The Grotto in Portland. Good place for meditation.
Good morning Mom! How’s it going? Have you had a meditation time already? I’m going to do one at 11:00 if you want to do yours at the same time. I’m going to aim for 10 minutes, but 5 would be okay too.
It is the first day. This Tuesday. A Tuesday. The only one that exists, while we wait for it to vanish. But it’s the Tuesday after last Friday, that day of operation and inauguration, when every lung seemed to be holding what breath it could, waiting to see if the unthinkable would continue to happen.
It did. President Trump. Jesus Christ, I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that. I fear I will. Trauma grown normal. And yes, the inauguration happened, followed by even more assault rifle spray of things to be upset about, from alternative facts to the ongoing competition for most unqualified cabinet pick (I have my “winner”).
But brutal circumstance gave me a different main memory for January 20, 2017, the day my mother had her heart surgery. She went in as scheduled, conscious sedation as discussed, and the surgeon did his thing as practiced thousands of times. It all went according to plan. Until it didn’t.
Bronze copy of Michelangelo’s Pieta in the Grotto, looking out over the Willamette River Valley. So beautiful.
The procedure failed. The problem was beyond their reach. I can’t imagine how it felt for my mother, when she came back to awareness and turned to ask the nurse “Did it work?”
How did it feel, when the nurse answered? “No. I’m sorry.”
I don’t want my mom to live forever. That would be a torture beyond reckoning. I just don’t want her to ever die. But here we are, confronted with the benevolent brutality that life ends. All of it. It’s a good thing in theory, but damn it sucks in practice.
But this is too dire. This personal talk of death. This national talk of dissolution. The future has its problems. Its ominous possibility. But today? Today the human spirit is strong. Love is strong. Stronger than doom. I love my mother. I still love my country. And on Saturday my mom brought smiles to everyone she met. And all across the nation the goodness in this country took to the streets to reject intolerance, to embrace support, to deny the divisiveness of a small-souled man who wants us to forget how much we love.
Unity in concern and compassion for each other. So beautiful! (NBC’s photo)
My mom is wonderfully alive. Recovered from her surgery, she has many positive memories still to make. Some small changes can enhance that, and I’m not going to expect her to do them alone. Change doesn’t happen in isolation. Neither does democracy. So I’m going to join every day with a spirit of “What can I do today to foster the health and healing I want to see?”
It won’t solve every problem. No magician here, to polish the future to a paradise shine. But sure beats dwelling in gloom. Health, national or personal, doesn’t happen in an instant or in isolation. And in that interdependency, we are stronger.
Bless you and bless your mother. I feel disheartened when I think of the years ahead, so I’m going to adopt your view of ‘what can I do today to foster the health and healing I want to see’.
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Well dang, now I really have to follow through with it. Thank you! So much easier when there’s an awareness of community than when it feels so isolated! International Union of People with Souls and Optimism!
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truly one the best posts I have ever read! Your spirit is just beautiful! I am with Peggy, bless you and your mother!!
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Thank you Maureen, I really appreciate it.
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my pleasure! 🙂
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Thank you Tim! With all you have on your plate you still respond. Your an amazing man and dear friend!
Best wishes to your Mother! I pray she’s around for a long time without any pain.
Hugs and kisses,
Dianne
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Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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Thank you both. It means a lot to see such support. 🙂
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Well said. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom’s health challenges. Hugs to the both of you. A good reminder there are bigger concerns than reacting to DJT latest rampage.
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Thank you. And please help me remember, if I start to forget! (You’ll know when I post 500 angry words, wrapped around 500 more depressed ones.)
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It is ok if you forget sometimes…I think that’s normal. You’ll remember again. It is all part of the process…
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You have a very good attitude–much better than mine, I must confess. Wishing you and your mother all the best.
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I admit that this blog helps me push through to articulate a more positive approach than I otherwise might settle into. So thank you for the well wishes, and for reading the thing in the first place!
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❤
Just beautiful.
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Thank you Denni
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I read a column in a newspaper here the other day commenting on the march that took place in London on the day of Trump’s inauguration. It was written by someone who’d actually taken part himself, taking along his small daughter who’d made a very sweet banner asking people to be kind to each other. He was asking whether it was going to achieve anything, whether even “awareness raising” (liberals don’t like Trump? Really?) had any point. His conclusion was that making a statement that you’re a nice person, who believes in nice things (his words) is worth it – is, in fact, important, because not only does it help other people who believe the same things to know that they’re not alone, but it’s a broader statement that not everyone agrees with the prevailing political direction.
I think he’s right – and having spent most of my working life working with politicians, I’ve seen how important their feel for “mood” is in decision making. Anything that’s done to remind decision makers that there’s a sizable constituency of mouthy people out there who believe in the values of kindness and compassion is valuable. Your blog and all the good hearted people who’ve commented on it help do that. Thank you.
PS: I’m not calling you “mouthy”!
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You can call me mouthy any time you like, especially if it’s in this context!
I completely agree with you both. It’s a terrible feeling to sit and listen to such ignorance, hatred, and acidic politicizing and feel like the only rational brain left in the audience. And when we stay quiet, they just push for more. So no, liberals not liking Trump is hardly a revelation, but the crowds of people who care, and are being reminded that democracy means doing more than pushing a button once every 2-4 years, is definitely worth a shiver or two. (Though when I see a crowd like that, demonstrating for goodness in this country/world, my shivers have nothing to do with the temperature.)
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Love is, indeed, stronger than doom. Well said. A toast to your mom’s continued health…and hope for the future, in general. ❤
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Thank you! And returning that toast wholeheartedly, to you and to us all!
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